If I'm being honest with myself, 

I look at my life and think

"This isn't what I expected!"

And I fret and I worry and I fear.

If I pause and look back on my life I see, 

"That isn't how I expected it to be!"

No, in fact it was so much better

than I planned, dreamed and expected.

So why do I fret, worry and fear over the future?

The one who knows my hearts' 

deepest desires will reveal to me

His perfect plan in His perfect time.

I took this top picture on January 11, 2014. I was flipping through a magazine when the two page spread of the elephant popped out at me. I shared this picture with some friends, saying, "Wow! Wouldn't this be an awesome place to go!? I would love to see this!" I have this innate desire to travel and see the beauty of the world God made. So, of course I wanted to see an elephant in it's natural habit! As the days and then weeks passed, I forgot about this picture.

Late spring I had a conversation with another friend about pursuing my dreams and fulfilling the longings God has placed in my heart. I admitted that I wasn't fully pursuing the passions and desires God had given me. My friend told me to write down the dreams I have, the things I want to do during my lifetime. I went home that night and spent some time making a long list of the dreams I have. Among other things I wrote, "Visit a country other than Haiti (in the next 3 years)" I closed the book and didn't think about this. 

Mid-summer I came across a facebook post about a potential trip to Africa. I thought about going to Africa and then dismissed the thought. A little while later I saw another post that the trip to Africa was happening. I thought about the trip for a few weeks. I tried to dismiss the thoughts but when I couldn't get them out of my head, I knew it was a God thing. I committed to going to Africa, knowing next to nothing about Africa, the organization I was going with, or the team I would be traveling with. 

You see, from the time I was a little girl I had a desire to go to Africa. I can not explain where the desire came from, cause like I mentioned, I knew nothing about that country. It had to have come from God. That longing would come to my mind at random times. When asked what countries I wanted to visit Africa was always at the top of the list. I wanted to go to Africa during my lifetime but I didn't care when.

On December 30th, while on a safari in Kenya, I took the bottom picture of the elephant. ...WHOA!! How similar the pictures are!! I recently stumbled upon the top photo again, not having thought about my wish to see the elephant since January. What a crazy reminder that God fulfills the dreams of my heart! God wants to fulfill my desires. When I forget the desires of my heart, God remembers. 

However, as the scripture says, 

"What no one ever saw or heard, what no one ever thought could happen,

is the very thing God prepared for those who love him." ~1 Cor. 2:9

Delight yourself in the Lord,

and he will give you the desires of your heart.

~Psalm 37:4

Life's Lessons

During the week after my grandfathers death I learned many things about loss--

Bringing people food is good. Food is always good. But food is especially good at a time when one can barely process the loss of their loved one. Usually the thought of where the next meal is coming from is far from the mind.

If you can’t cook or bake don't let that stop you. Purchase food and bring it.

Hugs are great! Not only are hugs great, they are expected. Hugging isn’t normal for some people (ahem, me) however, during a time of loss hugs are a given. Hugs are reassurances that people care. When you feel so shaken up and confused, hugs are comforting. 

Because emotions are running so high hugging often results in tears. Hug anyway. 

Being there is what makes all the difference. Walking through a time of loss with someone might be the most uncomfortable thing you do. It may be awkward to walk in on a crying family. It may be awkward not having the “right” words to say. It may be awkward washing someone else’s dishes, doing someone else's laundry or doing someone else’s grocery shopping. 

So you have to rearrange your schedule, maybe travel a great distance. Show up.

If you can’t be there…

Sympathy cards are amazing. I used to think sympathy cards were quite meaningless. Now, after having been through a loss I see the beauty in sympathy cards. Not only do you know that all the people bringing food and the hugging people care, you know that people who are not physically there with you care too. You know people are thinking of you and holding you up in prayer.

Cards can be expensive and perhaps not your thing. Send cards anyway.

Grieving is healthy. It’s ok to cry for hours straight. It’s ok to be on the verge of tears anytime someone talks about the lost loved one. It’s ok that a picture brings back a flood of memories. It’s ok that a few kind words send you back into a state of shock.

Show emotion when going through loss and in the weeks, months, and years that follow. Grieve.

I’m sorry that I left you, I know you feel alone

But God told me that He needed me, He called me to come home

In what seemed to be an instant, in the twinkling of an eye

An angel gently took my hand and led me toward the sky

I fought the fight, I finished the race

Throughout the trial, I kept my faith

No longer do I suffer, my body’s been made whole

I’m flying with the angels, and Heaven’s now my home

God told me not to worry, He said you’d be okay

Because eternity’s forever, and we’ll meet again some day

~Heaven's Now My Home by Libby L. Allen 

Tragedy

Life is busy. We crowd our day with appointments, meetings, and errands on top of our work schedules. We are masters of leading hectic lives. When asked what we are involved in, many of us can rattle off various committees and groups and teams. We run from here to there, and back again, hardly ever slowing down. 

We go about our daily lives occasionally thinking of others. Maybe offering up a quick prayer for someone when we think of it, or stopping to ask them how they are doing when we have a few seconds. I’ll be the first to confess I’m guilty of this.

It’s counter-culture to make time for others.

Yet, when unanticipated things happen- tornadoes, floods, earthquakes, deaths, car accidents, fires- time stands still. Appointments, meetings and errands suddenly become irrelevant. Our work, that is often of utmost importance to us, is trivial. People suddenly become the most important thing.

Tragedy brings people together. 

This thought has been swirling in my mind for the past few months.

Fast forward to Christmas Eve when the unexpected happened in our lives; Grandpa Shorty passed away early afternoon. Time stopped when we heard the news. 

Our lives have been on hold since Grandpa died. All of our appointments, meetings, errands and jobs are irrelevant. Family is the most important now.

We’ve been making funeral decisions. We’ve been looking through pictures. We’ve been doing laundry, dishes, and grocery shopping. 

We haven’t been alone through these times though. We’ve been surrounded by family and friends. The hospital was flooded with visitors there to support our family. The house has been noisy with company. The door closes behind one family and ten minutes later another arrives. We have to be sure to have someone around at all times to answer the phone when condolences are offered. Graciously, food has been passed from hand to hand and meals have been shared with whomever is around. We can't begin to express our thanks to all whom have stopped by, brought food and called. We feel loved. This tragedy has brought so many people together. 

It’s sad that it takes a death for this to happen. The last time our extended family spent this much time with one another was at my great-grandparents funerals’.

As our family grieves the loss of Grandpa Shorty, I’m awakened to the reality that life matters. Life is a gift. We can learn from Grandpa's death. We can do life differently.

Let’s value the lives of others over busyness. Let’s make time for friends and family, not just during funerals, but at other times throughout the year. 

“Love is cheering and sharing and compassion and giving and receiving. Love is an action thing more than a word thing, that brings comfort or joy or relief to anyone or anything.” ~Ziggy Marley

Masai Mara :: KENYA

Better Late Than Never

(It has taken me way too long to edit these photos! I am an amazing procrastinator ;)

I took the Hills' family pictures last August. We went to Millennium Park; an environment where the kids could be kids. After about an hour the girls became disinterested in posing so Marcus took out the fishing poles. It was a creative idea! The fishing pictures are some of my favorites.

The Hills are a blessing in my life. I came to know them over the four months that I lived with them. Each of the kids, Kella, Kasey, Kaya, and Keane, are infused with personality! I enjoy spending time with them, although they quickly wear me out. Sarah and Marcus are wonderful as well. I spent many many hours talking to Sarah after the kids went to bed. She is full of insight and wisdom! I learned much from her about motherhood and marriage. I'm amazed by her ability to raise all four of these kiddos with seemingly never ending amounts of grace and love.