Reality.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11


"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose." Romans 8:28

What if I don't like the plan? What if the plan hurts? Is it really for my good?

I looked through some of my Haiti pictures. And it hurt so badly. It made me want to go back to Haiti. I feel as though my heart is ripped in two. I see those pictures, and memories of people and places come rushing back to me.

For the most part, during my day, I don't think about it- at all. When Haiti is mentioned, or when I'm called by my new nickname, 'Haiti', at work, it goes in one ear and out the other. It means nothing.

Yet, somehow, it means everything. Those last seven months I cannot get back. I know the same people will not all be together like that again and things will never be the same as they were. It seems as if it was one big long dream that happened. Now, it's almost as if I'm sweeping it right under the rug, choosing not to think about it. Did that really all happen? Yes, it did! Haiti was where I found friends, family and my purpose for seven months. I have to constantly remind myself it wasn't a dream. Haiti happened.

When I hear the word 'Haiti' my mind should be racing a million different directions. I don't let it though. I push it from my mind. It's difficult when people ask me about it cause I don't ever say much. I feel bad because I can't say much right now. They're probably thinking, "Hello, you lived there for the past seven months. You should have lots of stories!" I do. But telling you about Haiti would require me to tread into emotions that I'm not ready to deal with.

My heart hurts. I miss everyone and everything I left behind. I can't live like this. I'm not ok. I ache deep inside. I don't know how to take what I learned there and incorporate it into my life here.

People say that re-entry is more difficult to deal with than culture-shock. "There really is no one pattern or set list of symptoms for reverse culture shock. And unlike culture shock, there is no timetable for moving past it... Be patient... Accept re-entry as one more part of the journey." There is hope. "Given time, the majority of travelers will come to some final state of adjustment. They will take the teachings that their experience provided them and put them into the context of their home." For now, I cling to my Father who is my strength and song.

Sometimes life don't go the way you planned
And we all have days when we just don't understand
Searching for meaning, it's not always easy
But your story's not over, it's still being told
~Britt Nicole, Still That Girl

O Canada!

I continued to add to my list of countries visited with our trip to Canada.

June 12 I flew into Detroit with Jenny (a fellow missionary in Haiti), arriving around 11pm. My family and I spent the night at a hotel there. Wednesday we drove to Canada to visit Niagara Falls and some friends of mine from Haiti. I had thought a vacation would be a nice way to ease back into life in America before starting work. I was a little wrong- I didn't get much sleep during the trip and I ended up coming home with an unpleasant cold. I had a great time though and I'm glad we went!

Wednesday night we visited the falls, took lots of pictures, and scoped out all the contraptions that were set up for the man who was going to walk across the falls. We stayed there until dusk in order to see the water illuminated at night. {Nik Wallenda walked across Niagara Falls on Friday night and we already had tickets to a baseball game that night so unfortunately we didn't get to witness that event.} 

Thursday we returned to the falls to do the activities that tourists do (that is, besides taking pictures). We decided to "Journey Behind the Falls." After paying a ridiculous amount of money for an elevator ride we ended up behind the falls. Looking out from behind the falls there wasn't much to see, except thousands of galloons of rushing water. Who would of thought?! We did get very wet from blowing mist when we stood on the observation deck down near the base of one of the waterfalls. Codi, Collin and I decided that was enough of that type of excitement for the trip; we opted to go mini-golfing the rest of the afternoon. The place we picked to golf at was an 18 hole course, inside, illuminated by black lights. It was quite fun and I gave the boys some competition. However, I lost! Oh well. There's always next time.

Thursday night we traveled to Hamilton to spend some time with the Broersma family- Cornelius, Mindy, Chloe and Joel. Joel is the newest addition to their family. He was born about a month and a half ago in Canada. The Broersma's left Haiti a couple months before I did so this was my chance to see Joel before they returned to Haiti. We hung out with Broersma's Friday and Saturday morning too. 

To read about and view pictures from the rest of our adventure, including our walk and a Toronto Blue Jays game, check out Cornelius and Mindy's blog. 

Lodder Family

By my second day away from Haiti I was already missing the Lodder family, especially Maia and Levi. These are the adorable, crazy kids I babysat. We had sweet moments along with our share of rough days. I learned much from these kiddos!! Randy and Karen also took good care of me while I was in Haiti- feeding me, taking me places and giving me rides. 

 A couple of weeks ago we found a bit of time amidst our busy schedules and had a great mini photo shoot. I was a little nervous about taking their family pictures. The kids were ornery but thankfully some of the picture turned out ;) Here are a few of my favorites:

Cat in the Hat

Tasha and I brought the Cat in the Hat to life on a bookcase at some friends of ours school.

When we started a couple of months ago, we had high hopes of replicating the Cat in the Hat from a small picture. 

I showed Tasha how to make squares on the picture, then measure the door to draw enlarged squares there. 

After a few hours we had completed the drawing. Next we painted the red and white base colors. 

A few weeks later, while Tasha was in school, I went back to the school and painted the black lines on the Cat. 

I also added a Dr. Seuss quote in French:

"The more that you read, the more things you will know. 

The more that you learn, the more places you'll go!"

My dear friend, Ari, hosted a tea party for the girls that she takes care of. Since these are also the girls I teach, I agreed to help her out. We served them tea, juice, cookies and sandwiches. They dumped tons of sugar into their tea, gobbled down the food, and spilled the tea and juice everywhere! We enjoyed our Saturday morning with the girls :)

Expect the Unexpected

This past weekend Randy and Karen took the Schmick family and I on a little excursion.

We drove a short distance outside of Port-au-Prince to a lake. This lake is known for it's flamingos.

The locals willingly stopped what they were doing and brought us out on their fishing boats.

After a couple of hours journeying around the lake we had not seen any flamingos.

This didn't crush our spirits though because there were plenty of other things to relish along the way:

A Blessing in Disguise

I am finished teaching! Sigh. Yay! :) This week I struggled to come up with projects for the kids. I thought back to the previous 19 weeks of classes... I don't know how I made it through. I sure didn't on my own strength.

There were so many mornings when I didn't want to get out of bed. Many times I had to give myself a pep talk before heading on to the next class. And those moments when you just want to strangle the kids- yup, had my share of those too.

But by the grace of God I always had just enough patience to deal with the kids, just enough ideas for projects, just enough time to prepare the materials, just enough Creole vocabulary to communicate in class, just enough energy to wake up each morning and then do it all over again week after week. 

I was entrusted with more than I could handle. God faithfully led me through each week.

     I believe that God totally, absolutely, intentionally gives us more than we can handle. Because this is when we surrender to Him and He takes over, providing Himself by doing the impossible in our lives. 

     I have learned to accept it, even ask for it, this "more than I can handle." Because in these times, God shows Himself victorious. He reminds me that all of this life requires more of Him and less of me. God does give us more than we can handle. Not maliciously, but intentionally, in love, that His glory may be displayed, that we may have no doubt of who is in control, that people may see His grace and faithfulness shining through our lives. 

     And as I surrender these situations to Him, watch Him take over and do the impossible, I am filled with joy and peace- so much more than I can handle.

     ~Excerpt from Kisses From Katie, by Katie Davis.

I was always quick to reminded others, "Don't worry; God never gives you more than you can handle." Although, now I too disagree with that. I have been living in this "more than I can handle" state and it has been such a blessing!

(Click on the photo to enlarge it)

Another Haitian Prayer

Senyè,

    Lord,

Nou vini nan mache ou a.

    We have come to your marketplace.

Nou konnen ke genyen anpil pwovizyon nan mache w' la.

    We know there are plenty of provisions in your market.

Nou pote panye nou avèk nou.

    We have brought our baskets with us.

Kounye a nou vle sòti nan mache w' la ak panye nou plen pwovizyon.

    Now we want to go back from your market with our baskets full of provisions.

*Prayer taken from the book God is No Stranger

Flag Day!

Last week I participated in two flag day celebrations. Friday, May 18, was the official flag day; it is a holiday so the students had off from school. Yet they showed up that morning to honor this special day. The students and teachers headed out into the community proudly waving their Haitian flags and singing about their country. For one of the parades we walked a short distance around the block near the school, and for the other parade we journeyed to the Mayor's office and back. Of course we had to endure the scorching sun but I thought it was well worth it to witness the pride on display of the Haitian people for their country.

The older students had been preparing for the parade for a couple of weeks. I was very impressed- they chanted while marching in perfectly straight lines!

This is a video of their march- (I had to split the video in two in order to upload it):

Because we caused quite the commotion parading through the streets, many people gathered alongside the roads to watch. 

One of my favorites...another gate picture!

Ayiti pou Kris (Haiti for Christ); Kris pou Ayiti (Christ for Haiti)

Cherishing Friendships

In our neighborhood we have many wonderful families. Four of those families are fellow missionaries working with different ministries. I have gotten to know our neighbors over the past six months and have been greatly blessed by them. God has placed a unique community among us.

In a few weeks we will all be heading off in different directions. Some of us will be returning to the States to continue life there, others will be returning stateside for a couple of months to visit and some will stay in Haiti over the summer. We wanted to do something together before everyone left. This past Thursday night the neighborhood ladies and some of their daughters dressed up and went out to a restaurant for desert. It was a gorgeous night and we had a great time together.

Back row: Christine Harms, Jennifer Edgerton, Taressa, Ruth, and I
Front row: Sharon Seegar-King, Andrea Schmick, Makayla Schmick, Malieke, and Megan Edgerton

The goodbyes will be difficult but I know that God has a plan for each one of us to continue furthering his Kingdom, whether that be in Haiti or elsewhere.  Ephesians 1: 11-12 "In him we were also chosen, having been predestined according to the plan of him who works out everything in conformity with the purpose of his will, in order that we, who were the first to put our hope in Christ, might be for the praise of his glory."

Port-au-Prince at night!

After dinner us younger ladies walked around, thinking up creative shots and posing for pictures.

Taressa took most of the photos. Thanks Tares!

And this is my dear friend Andrea whom I will be most saddened to leave. Andrea has become a mentor of sorts to me; we meet once a week to study the Bible together and pray. We are continually reminded that we can do nothing apart from God. What a wonderful reminder that is! After bringing our concerns before Him we are left with such a peace. I will forever cherish those times spent in the company of Andrea :)