Reality.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11


"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose." Romans 8:28

What if I don't like the plan? What if the plan hurts? Is it really for my good?

I looked through some of my Haiti pictures. And it hurt so badly. It made me want to go back to Haiti. I feel as though my heart is ripped in two. I see those pictures, and memories of people and places come rushing back to me.

For the most part, during my day, I don't think about it- at all. When Haiti is mentioned, or when I'm called by my new nickname, 'Haiti', at work, it goes in one ear and out the other. It means nothing.

Yet, somehow, it means everything. Those last seven months I cannot get back. I know the same people will not all be together like that again and things will never be the same as they were. It seems as if it was one big long dream that happened. Now, it's almost as if I'm sweeping it right under the rug, choosing not to think about it. Did that really all happen? Yes, it did! Haiti was where I found friends, family and my purpose for seven months. I have to constantly remind myself it wasn't a dream. Haiti happened.

When I hear the word 'Haiti' my mind should be racing a million different directions. I don't let it though. I push it from my mind. It's difficult when people ask me about it cause I don't ever say much. I feel bad because I can't say much right now. They're probably thinking, "Hello, you lived there for the past seven months. You should have lots of stories!" I do. But telling you about Haiti would require me to tread into emotions that I'm not ready to deal with.

My heart hurts. I miss everyone and everything I left behind. I can't live like this. I'm not ok. I ache deep inside. I don't know how to take what I learned there and incorporate it into my life here.

People say that re-entry is more difficult to deal with than culture-shock. "There really is no one pattern or set list of symptoms for reverse culture shock. And unlike culture shock, there is no timetable for moving past it... Be patient... Accept re-entry as one more part of the journey." There is hope. "Given time, the majority of travelers will come to some final state of adjustment. They will take the teachings that their experience provided them and put them into the context of their home." For now, I cling to my Father who is my strength and song.

Sometimes life don't go the way you planned
And we all have days when we just don't understand
Searching for meaning, it's not always easy
But your story's not over, it's still being told
~Britt Nicole, Still That Girl