If I'm being honest with myself, 

I look at my life and think

"This isn't what I expected!"

And I fret and I worry and I fear.

If I pause and look back on my life I see, 

"That isn't how I expected it to be!"

No, in fact it was so much better

than I planned, dreamed and expected.

So why do I fret, worry and fear over the future?

The one who knows my hearts' 

deepest desires will reveal to me

His perfect plan in His perfect time.

I took this top picture on January 11, 2014. I was flipping through a magazine when the two page spread of the elephant popped out at me. I shared this picture with some friends, saying, "Wow! Wouldn't this be an awesome place to go!? I would love to see this!" I have this innate desire to travel and see the beauty of the world God made. So, of course I wanted to see an elephant in it's natural habit! As the days and then weeks passed, I forgot about this picture.

Late spring I had a conversation with another friend about pursuing my dreams and fulfilling the longings God has placed in my heart. I admitted that I wasn't fully pursuing the passions and desires God had given me. My friend told me to write down the dreams I have, the things I want to do during my lifetime. I went home that night and spent some time making a long list of the dreams I have. Among other things I wrote, "Visit a country other than Haiti (in the next 3 years)" I closed the book and didn't think about this. 

Mid-summer I came across a facebook post about a potential trip to Africa. I thought about going to Africa and then dismissed the thought. A little while later I saw another post that the trip to Africa was happening. I thought about the trip for a few weeks. I tried to dismiss the thoughts but when I couldn't get them out of my head, I knew it was a God thing. I committed to going to Africa, knowing next to nothing about Africa, the organization I was going with, or the team I would be traveling with. 

You see, from the time I was a little girl I had a desire to go to Africa. I can not explain where the desire came from, cause like I mentioned, I knew nothing about that country. It had to have come from God. That longing would come to my mind at random times. When asked what countries I wanted to visit Africa was always at the top of the list. I wanted to go to Africa during my lifetime but I didn't care when.

On December 30th, while on a safari in Kenya, I took the bottom picture of the elephant. ...WHOA!! How similar the pictures are!! I recently stumbled upon the top photo again, not having thought about my wish to see the elephant since January. What a crazy reminder that God fulfills the dreams of my heart! God wants to fulfill my desires. When I forget the desires of my heart, God remembers. 

However, as the scripture says, 

"What no one ever saw or heard, what no one ever thought could happen,

is the very thing God prepared for those who love him." ~1 Cor. 2:9

Delight yourself in the Lord,

and he will give you the desires of your heart.

~Psalm 37:4

Life's Lessons

During the week after my grandfathers death I learned many things about loss--

Bringing people food is good. Food is always good. But food is especially good at a time when one can barely process the loss of their loved one. Usually the thought of where the next meal is coming from is far from the mind.

If you can’t cook or bake don't let that stop you. Purchase food and bring it.

Hugs are great! Not only are hugs great, they are expected. Hugging isn’t normal for some people (ahem, me) however, during a time of loss hugs are a given. Hugs are reassurances that people care. When you feel so shaken up and confused, hugs are comforting. 

Because emotions are running so high hugging often results in tears. Hug anyway. 

Being there is what makes all the difference. Walking through a time of loss with someone might be the most uncomfortable thing you do. It may be awkward to walk in on a crying family. It may be awkward not having the “right” words to say. It may be awkward washing someone else’s dishes, doing someone else's laundry or doing someone else’s grocery shopping. 

So you have to rearrange your schedule, maybe travel a great distance. Show up.

If you can’t be there…

Sympathy cards are amazing. I used to think sympathy cards were quite meaningless. Now, after having been through a loss I see the beauty in sympathy cards. Not only do you know that all the people bringing food and the hugging people care, you know that people who are not physically there with you care too. You know people are thinking of you and holding you up in prayer.

Cards can be expensive and perhaps not your thing. Send cards anyway.

Grieving is healthy. It’s ok to cry for hours straight. It’s ok to be on the verge of tears anytime someone talks about the lost loved one. It’s ok that a picture brings back a flood of memories. It’s ok that a few kind words send you back into a state of shock.

Show emotion when going through loss and in the weeks, months, and years that follow. Grieve.

I’m sorry that I left you, I know you feel alone

But God told me that He needed me, He called me to come home

In what seemed to be an instant, in the twinkling of an eye

An angel gently took my hand and led me toward the sky

I fought the fight, I finished the race

Throughout the trial, I kept my faith

No longer do I suffer, my body’s been made whole

I’m flying with the angels, and Heaven’s now my home

God told me not to worry, He said you’d be okay

Because eternity’s forever, and we’ll meet again some day

~Heaven's Now My Home by Libby L. Allen