Each day as I read, I soak up the words on the page. Amber pours out her thoughts and is so blatantly honest about her life and where she sees God doing a work on her heart. Now, God is working at my heart through this book. And as I mentioned before, every time God teaches me a truth from the Bible, I am forced to come to grips with that truth in my life. What I'm learning is all very real in my life.
Yesterday afternoon I was minding my own business as I walked around the neighborhood where I teach at. (Walking is one of the things I love to do cause it makes me feel more Haitian. ;) These three little boys stood outside a gate and watched me pass. Then they yelled, "Blan! Blan!" (White! White!) and ran after me. The oldest boy, who is 12, introduced himself to me, taking ahold of my left hand. Then one of his friends grabbed my right hand and the other boy held his other hand. The oldest boy spoke a fair amount of English.
Soon after we started walking one of the younger boys said, "I'm hungry." Usually the kids on the street rudely say, "I'm hungry...give me that...give me...give me....give me!" But these boys didn't do that. I told them I didn't have any food and they continued on with me. They wondered where I was going so I pointed in the direction I was headed. I conversed some more with the older boy. Then one of them saw my water bottle and said, "I'm thirsty! Can I have some water?" I refused them the water too {then thought, you fool...I have two water bottles....what's one less?}. Yet, they still continued talking and walking with me. The littlest guy was hurrying to keep up with us. At one point I looked down at him, as he clenched my hand, and he had sweat droplets covering his face. The black plastic girl shoes he was wearing hardly fit his feet causing him to stumble along.
I was caught up in the moment. Here I was walking the streets of Haiti with three little Haitian boys next to me. We were side by side, hand in hand. Me with all my earthly possessions and wealth and them with so little. My heart went out to them. Three-quarters of the way through the walk I remembered I had gram crackers with me- not a lot by any means...but something. {My mind wrestled with the thought, do I give it to them? What lesson am I teaching them if I hand them food? They should choose to walk with me out of the goodness of their hearts, not so they can get something from another blan. What if they really aren't hungry? Most kids say that to a blan regardless because it is the only English phrase they know.} The boys asked for food and water once then they left it alone. There was an innocence in their faces.
When we reached the spot I was going to I told them to wait as I dug around in my backpack for the crackers. Once I finally found them I looked into the bag- 3 crackers, 3 boys! I handed them over to the older boy and counted, pointing at the crackers, "En, de, twa," then I pointed at the boys, "En, de, twa." They were surprised to receive the food, which was understandable as I had told them I had no food and they couldn't have my water. They all said thank you. I thanked them for walking with me and we parted ways. They ran off, back the same way we had just come.
I didn't think much about it the rest of the day; I had people to see and places to be. But as I was thinking through my day later that night, those five minutes came back to my mind. {Did I do the right thing? Were they really hungry? What's going to happen the next time I see them? Will they be expecting food?} All legit questions I could spend my time wrestling with. That, however, I'm not so sure was the point....
God was gently reminding me, "Yes, the poor are ALL around you. What are you going to do about it? You have to stop pretending you don't see it. Poverty has a name, a face, a voice. How are you going to react my daughter? Do you see me? Are you listening to me? Will you help me or ignore me?" For the first time, I gave them food. I listened to them and I loved them.
Though I do not have any conclusions yet on poverty and what I believe is the right way to handle it, I now have three little faces to think about each time I study it. May this be the beginning of an eye opening, heart wrenching, thought provoking journey. At the end of my study I hope to have a better understanding of poverty and a heart overflowing with love. I want God to do away with my hard heart and fill it with compassion.
Father break my heart for what breaks Yours
Give me open hands and open doors
Put Your Light in my eyes and let me see
That my own little world is not about me
~Matthew West, My Own Little World
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